The patriarchy and YOU! Or, how to not get distracted
OK so instead of sitting down to write this post, I cleaned the bathroom. Two of them! So I’m going to make an example of myself in order to tell you about that sneaky little so-and-so, the patriarchy!
Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines the word “patriarchy” as follows:
social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line broadly: control by men of a disproportionately large share of power (emphasis mine—and I would DEFINITELY add whiteness to this definition)
society or institution organized according to the principles or practices of patriarchy
In short, the power-over white dudes have been in charge, making the rules, for a long time. And despite what they may tell you, this is still happening. Because it is baked into the whole damn equation (i.e, all.the.systems.), especially in these here fine United States. It is the air we breathe and the water we drink and the doctors we visit and the school curricula we use and the very algorithms that decide what content is served to us on the Internets. It is no wonder that it is in the thoughts we think and therefore the behavior we express—unless we can have consciousness of what we’re thinking and choosing and doing, our autopilot is likely to take over.
And then we find ourselves cleaning bathrooms instead of writing ranty things on our blogs! Does my male partner, wonderful and conscious and participatory as he is, think to himself WELP, BETTER GET TO CLEANING THE BATHROOMS AND DOING THE LAUNDRY BEFORE I GET TO WORK THIS MORNING? BUT DID I? Mmmmhmmm. I did. And I actually did those things before sitting down to rant here. Almost at the expense of ranting! But lucky for you, I was able to pull myself away mid-habit and go do the thing I really intended to be doing with my morning. Which is ranting.
To be clear, I’m not knocking those things of the household—they need to get done. They are a part of participating in the ecosystem that is your home life, which is a good thing and a part of a comfortable material existence. But when we are not able to compartmentalize or prioritize with consciousness about what we do and when we do it, then we are apt to fall into autopilot programming—the things we do from a place of unconsciousness and/or survival because they’re baked into our neural pathways and cells.
You could also call it DISTRACTION. Julie Burns Walker describes distraction as anything that makes us forget our true, capital-S-Self. It switches off your access to carrying out your blueprint/your purpose/the overarching thing you came here to this plane to do over time.
Distraction is actually a really personal thing—my distraction could be your productivity and vice versa. For example, a MAJOR STUPID distraction for me is keeping my floors schmutz-free because I’m a highly sensitive person and I HAAATE it when crumbs and whatnot stick to my feet. Drives me bananas and knocks me into survival mode. Cleaning the floor looks “productive” though right? A clean house, etc.? But in my heart, it’s not productive. While it is part of overall ecosystem work, for me, when I hyper-focus on it and do it to the exclusion of all thing else, IT IS NOT PRODUCTIVE to what was my true Self’s work of the day. Like, I do that instead of write/make art/etc. Conversely, let’s say I’m a comedy writer: If I spend my day watching specials on Netflix to study my craft, that’s productivity even if it looks like wait-why-are-you-watching-tv-all-day. Like I said, it’s very specific to YOU.
All distraction isn’t patriarchy but all patriarchy is definitely distraction. It is a sometimes unconscious, sometimes subtle, sometimes overt luring away of you doing you for reals. Who benefits if I as a female person don’t participate in the broader world? If nature abhors a vacuum (I feel like there’s a missed opportunity joke related to housework in here… sorry it’s not coming to me) as the principle goes, who or what is invited to fill the space I got distracted from occupying? (Hint: It’s probably a less-qualified white dude.)
The point is (and my very privileged life of getting to decide what I do with my time because I don’t have to support my family’s basic needs very much acknowledged!), I invite you lady- and/or care-takey- identifying people to think about what distraction looks like for YOU. Where is its siren song luring you into the depths of an ocean you didn’t mean to tumble into? How can you snap out of it and remember you know how to swim to shore and go about your intended task of making a coconut shell house or whatever? You got good shit to do and I believe in your ability to go do it.