Raised on “Free to Be You and Me,” it was my aim to keep our playroom free of All Things Pink and Princess. I’m the first to admit I’m ~~rabidly self-righteous~~ hypersensitive about media messaging and I try to limit the gender-polarized influences upon my kid, where I can. For example, I switched pediatric dentists because the one student dentist we had kept referring to “the princess chair,” “the princess toothbrush,” etc., even after I very politely informed her that we don’t do the princess thing. (I know! I told you! I’m hypersensitive!)

So it was of course somewhat troubling, yet (given that we live in the world) not surprising, when she began to prefer pink when she used to love blue and play at being a princess from time to time.

For the record, it’s not that I believe All Things Princess are inherently bad, exactly–hell, I played at princess (see right), feminism and all (again, thank you to my mother and Marlo Thomas). Rather, what gets my craw is the limited, one-dimensional expectation of what genders are supposed to be/do/like/look like/play with/etc. exclusively, to the exclusion of all other options. (Note: I’m equally hypersensitive to the messages boys get; it’s all poisonous in my book.) The danger of princess culture is that it teaches girls that they only need be concerned about how they look, that all that matters is external and material–it’s not about developing your mind or your skills or your voice to be a force for good in the world, it’s about being beautiful and demure.

If nothing else, I want my kid to walk away from my parenting knowing that she is an active agent in her world, that she has the power to affect change and be herself in all her glorious dimensions. And if that includes a little princess play, well OK fine, because that is her too. BUT: It has to be princess play on *my* terms, not Disney et al’s. It has to be well-rounded and multidimensional. It has to be about *who* you are, not *what* you are.

So, we had a conversation, she and I. I made a list of qualities and skills that princesses MUST posses:

Be brave and strong
Be fast runners (like Atalanta!)
Be hard working
Be smart and think about things
Know numbers/math
Know letters/how to read
Know where countries are on the map (for diplomacy, dude!)
Know how to fix things (we have a princess toolbox)
Be responsible

I’m sure I will add to the list over time (especially as it is convenient for me–e.g., “Princesses make their beds”). What about you? What is it important for your princess to know?

Storming the castle